She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
