My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize