I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
