i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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