the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
