I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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