Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
