just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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