i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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