What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
