I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
