He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
