Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
