drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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