is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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