I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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