I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
