you have to choose: penises or morals?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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