after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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