He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
