Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
