This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
