ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
