did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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