was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
