I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
