I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Randomize
