Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
