She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
