Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
