Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
