There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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