My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
