Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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