i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
