I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
