i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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