i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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