my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
