New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
