I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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