So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
