I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
