I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
