Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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