three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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