It's Friday. Sex?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
