oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
