If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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