i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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