Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
