They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
