She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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