genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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