do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
