bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
