Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
God, I missed his penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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