Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
