im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
