He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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