We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
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