If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
