her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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