lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just threw up on my dentist
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
