do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
