bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
