I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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