i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
