My sheets look like a crime scene.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
