last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
