i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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