youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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