Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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