she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
