Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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