I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
