My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
