he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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