Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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