Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
